even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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