No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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