College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
