Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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