his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
