remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
