So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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