i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
