At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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