I'm really into asian looking animals
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
