i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
