So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
