remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
