It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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