She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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