You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
