hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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