I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
