Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
