These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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