oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
