Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
