remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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