u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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