he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
