Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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