i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
