ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
