Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
