Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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