I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
