I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
