We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
