she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
