i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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