: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
