Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
