hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So here I am, sexting at work.
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