i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
