She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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