? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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