I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
