remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
