Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
