I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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