I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
