Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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