got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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