Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
