i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
