The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
