Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
