on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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