shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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