i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
