so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Pooping to opera.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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