Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
