hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
