According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
