dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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