they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
