He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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