Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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