I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
