im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how drunk are you?
Several
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
