Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?