Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.