fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
