so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.