toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
