trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I could fuck to npr.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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